


What you should know about dating a man with children

by SassySalchow (diedraechin)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, Viktor is extra, it grew too big, takes place before canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 06:46:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10406289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diedraechin/pseuds/SassySalchow
Summary: Based off a tumblr drabble prompt and then grew too big..."AU scenario where the skaters mistake the triplets for Yuuri's kids when they first meet him, possibly when he brings them to the skater-only area as a b-day treat, or something? (Kudos if you can work in jealous!Victor somehow, but the skaters having a fun reaction would be A+, tbh. Would be lovely if you could include Chris and/or Yurio :D )"





	

**Author's Note:**

> And then there were more prompts prompting it to get even longer. So now I'm here posting this silliness.
> 
>  
> 
> [Where the silliness all began](http://diedraechin.tumblr.com/post/158699989247/drabble-prompt-au-scenario-where-the-skaters)

Viktor had a crush.  Actually, it was worse than that,  Viktor had a CrushTM .

It was the reason that he’d been so excited to be assigned to the NHK Trophy.  His crush was also assigned.

It was such a remarkably sized crush that whenever he caught sight of him, Viktor’s heart did a little flip and he had to catch his breath.  Especially if Viktor spotted him while he was stretching.  If Viktor managed to catch him stretching – and Viktor definitely tried to – it was like Nirvana.  He could have died and gone to heaven.  He would be every cliche in the great big book of cliches.

It was such a remarkably sized crush that Viktor had skated into the wall the day before.  His adorable crush had gone wide-eyed and then dropped gaze and hurried off.

Chris had laughed at him.

New day, new attempt to impress.  Viktor could do it!

Except that there were three little girls pulling his crush in every single direction.  One in pink, one in blue, and one in purple and all speaking in rapid-fire Japanese.

“He has children?!”

Chris was staring right beside him.  “I had no idea.  He must have been really young when he had them.  He’s only twenty-one now.  Not that Yuuri talks much about himself.  When you can get him to talk.”

Viktor dropped his head into his hands.  “My life is over.  How can we live happily ever after with 2.5 children in a cute cottage with a white picket fence if he already has three kids?  That’s a half too many.”  Viktor sighed.  “And a dog.  But I’ll bring the dog.”

“Then you’ll be a dog over.  Yuuri has one too.  A fluffy brown thing.  I’ve seen pictures.”  Chris paused.  “Also, neither of you are American and it’s not the 1950s.”

Viktor waved off Chris’s comments focusing on the important part of the conversation.  “He’d show you pictures of his dog, but not his kids?”

“Oh, no, he was showing his friend, that Thai skater, new in the series this year.  I happened to look over his shoulder.”  Chris smiled as the kids all surrounded an Italian skater who looked like he wanted to climb up the nearest flag pole to escape them.  Yuuri was bowing and apologising and trying very hard to corral his unruly offspring.  “All three of us were at Skate Canada.”

“So they get a hot dad and a cute puppy?”  Viktor frowned.  His life was so not fair.  He wanted a hot Yuuri and a cute puppy.  Well, another puppy since he already had Makkachin.

Then the three girls were upon them, doing spins and jumps and Viktor had to admit to being impressed.  They already had pretty good form, but what else was to be expected when their dad was perfection when it came to dancing form.

“Viktor!  Chris!  Viktor!”  All three were shouting over each other and holding out autograph cards.  “Please! This is the best present ever!”

Chris laughed and took a card from each of the girls and started writing.  “What are your names, girls?”

“Axel!” “Loop!” “Lutz!”

“Wrong.  Their names are Aiko, Ruri, and  Miyū.  Even your mother wasn’t crazy enough to name you after figure skating jumps.”  Yuuri walked up behind them and sighed.  “I’m so sorry.  I said I would take them around and instead they are taking me around and bothering everyone and the organisers are never going to let me do anything like this again.”  Yuuri rubbed the back of his head.

Viktor handed over the last card with a tight smile just as a woman approached.  “Oh my god!  It’s Viktor Nikiforov!  Girls! It’s Viktor Nikiforov!”  She grabbed Yuuri’s upper arm.  “Yuuri, it’s Viktor Nikiforov!”

Viktor smiled at the woman even though he could feel his heart cracking into a million pieces.  “You have absolutely adorable children.”

“Yeah, Yuuri, why didn’t you tell us you had kids?”  Chris asked while taking a selfie with the three.

“WHAT?!”

The young woman had started laughing next to a flabbergasted Yuuri.  “Oh, wait until I tell my husband that all the skaters thought the triplets were yours.  I’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate to hand them over to you, Yuuri.  Are you ready to be a dad to these three hellions.”

Yuuri shook his head.  “To those three?  I couldn’t even handle watching them for fifteen minutes.  The nearly chased Michele Crispino up a support post, kept talking to Otabek Altin even when it was obvious that they’d worn out even his patience.  Tried to climb up the stands when they saw the Junior skater they like, Yuri Plisetsky, and then attacked Viktor Nikiforov and Christophe Giacometti.  I can barely co-parent three hamsters.  Your three are too much.”  Yuuri turned to face Viktor and Christophe and bowed.  “Thank you for being such good sports.”

Viktor stared as they walked away, the three girls still clinging to Yuuri.

“That was cute.”

Viktor smiled at Chris.  “He’d make a great dad.  Think he’d be interested in adopting 2.5 children with me?”

Chris clapped him on the back.  “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Nikiforov.  First you’ve got to figure out how to talk to him.  He was right here and you didn’t even say a word to him.”

***

The freakout over the hamsters happened in the middle of the night.  Viktor reached over and grabbed the hotel phone and quickly pounded in Chris’s room number.  

“Chris! Chris!  Hamsters!  How did I miss it?!  Who is the hamsters' mother?”

Chris groaned on the line.  “I assume that hamsters have a female hamster for a mother, but I’ve been wrong before.”

Viktor huffed.  “No.  I mean, Yuuri said that he co-parented hamsters.  WHO DOES HE CO-PARENT THE HAMSTERS WITH?!”

“Is this really what you’re going to worry about at… VIKTOR, IT’S THREE AM! What the hell?!”  Chris hung up on him.

Viktor didn’t sleep well and Yakov yelled at him for a good thirty minutes before throwing up his hands in exasperation and stalking off to get them both some coffee.

Chris, as always was the hero of the day.  “With his roommate, the Thai skater.  They share a coach.”  Chris leaned on his shoulder.  “You really need to learn to talk to him yourself.  Also, I expect you to get silver and let me get gold this time.”

Viktor wrapped his arm around Chris’s shoulder and kissed his cheeks.  “Not a chance,” he whispered.  “I have a crush to impress.”

So Viktor did what he always did.  He warmed up, went on the ice, and skated.

And almost skated into a wall again in the middle of his program because there was Yuuri Katsuki looking absolutely gorgeous standing next to the rink, his hands pressed against the top of the barrier and just staring at Viktor with an awestruck look on his face. 

Yuuri Katsuki was staring at him!  The realisation made Viktor falter in his steps, but he caught himself and managed to salvage the rest of his short program, though he was after Chris in the rankings.  Second.

“Remind me to ply you with information about Yuuri before you skate from now on.  I might actually have a chance to beat you.”  Chris was jovial over drinks later that night.

Viktor tossed his head, sending his bangs fluttering down over his eyes.  “It was a one-time thing.  I didn’t sleep well and was distracted.”

“Because you spent too much time thinking about hamsters.  At three in the morning.  I would have killed you if I hadn’t come in above you in points after the short.  You call me at three am again tonight, and I probably will.”

Viktor used his straw to stir his drink.  Something that the hotel insisted was called a Moscow Mule, it was good, but was definitely not Russian.  He wasn’t even sure that the vodka in it was Russian.  But it had a nice kick to it.  He took another sip and looked around.

Yuuri, his crush, the most beautiful man in existence, was walking through the lobby with the woman from the other day and the three girls.  They girls were all excited, including their mother, and were speaking while flinging their hands and arms about -- probably talking about the various programs.  A couple younger Japanese women approached the group and bowed and presented that same sort of autograph card to Yuuri who took them with an abso-fucking-lutely adorable blush covering his cheeks.  He stuck the cap of a marker in his mouth and pulled, using the pen to sign, but Viktor’s gaze was stuck on the cap captured between his lips.

“Chris, I want to be a pen cap.”

Chris spit out his drink and sputtered across from him.  “Alright, you have had way too much to drink.  I am cutting you off.  A pen cap?  You want to be a pen cap?”

“Do you think he’s sucking on it?  Moving it around with his tongue while he thinks?  Do you think that--”

“Viktor, shut up before this conversation turns from innuendo to something R-rated.”

Viktor turned to face Chris, letting his eyes almost close.  “I was hoping for something a bit steamier than R-rated.”

Chris just stared at him.  Nothing that Viktor did ever shocked Chris anymore.  It just wasn’t fair.  Chris turned away to look at Yuuri and his sinful pen cap.  “Yuuri!”

“What are you doing?!”  Viktor hissed.

“It’s Viktor!  It’s Chris!  Can we get more autographs!”  The girls rushed over, the three of them managing to pull the two adults with them easily.  

“If I go up to the room and get my phone case will you autograph it?”

“No fair!  I want mine autographed as well!”

“Oka-san let’s go upstairs and get all the things that we want them to sign!”

“GIRLS!”  The woman with Yuuri flushed crimson and pulled them away.  “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s no problem.  We’ll sign anything they want.  Anything for a friend of Yuuri.  Right, Viktor?”

Viktor made an embarrassing squeak of a sound that in no way resembled any sort of real word.  Viktor wanted to die.  Or maybe he wanted Chris to die.  Maybe both.

Yuuri had his face in his hands and he was flushed up to his ears.  It was so cute, but he must think that Viktor was a complete idiot.  “They’re skating otakus.  I really had no idea it would be like this when I managed to get them all tickets.”  Yuuri peeked out from behind his hands.  “I just hadn’t seen them in years and the NHK was so close to home, and…”  He trailed off.  “I’m sorry.”

“They’re just kids, and they’re excited.”  Chris smiled at Yuuri.  Viktor wanted to tell him not to because he wanted to be the one that smiled at Yuuri, but Viktor still hadn’t figured out how to act like a normal human being around the man so beautiful it brought tears to Viktor’s eyes.  “You haven’t been home for years?”

Yuuri shook his head.  “No.”  He paused and worried his bottom lip with his teeth.  “I left to train.  I’ve missed so much.  I even only get pictures of my dog every few weeks from my sister since the dorm I live in doesn’t allow large pets.”

“I’m more of a cat person, myself, but Viktor!  He has a dog!”  Chris kicked Viktor in the shin and Viktor yelped.  When Viktor glared at him, Chris just looked intently at him.  “Why don’t you show him pictures of your dog, Viktor.”

Yuuri was looking between the two of the with a worried expression on his face.

“Viktor loves showing off Makkachin, don’t you Viktor?”

His phone suddenly felt like it was made of a new slippery substance just discovered by some scientists locked in a lab somewhere for the sole purpose of making Viktor look like a tool in front of Yuuri.

Chris laughed, but even Viktor could tell it was a little forced.  “Viktor’s shy.”

“Uh huh.”  Yuuri smiled at them.  “It’s all right.  You’ve both been very kind when it comes to dealing with the triplets.  Thank you for that.  I’ll let you get back to your drinks.”

“Join us!”  Having finally found his voice, Viktor was maybe a little too loud or a little too emphatic.  “I have dog pictures.”

Yuuri just held up his hands.  “I don’t drink before competitions, but thank you for the offer.”

Then he was gone.

Viktor banged his head against the table once. Twice. Three times.

“You are a lost cause, my friend.  An honest to god lost cause.”

***

Viktor was, in fact, such a lost cause that he even failed to take gold at the NHK Trophy.  He got silver by 0.05 points.

Chris beamed at him from the top spot on the podium.  “The view is nice from up here.  How’s the weather down there?”

Viktor laughed at Chris’s antics.  At least he managed to surprise everyone by losing to Chris.  It wasn’t completely uncommon for him to get a silver medal in one of the qualifying tournaments, but it wasn’t the norm either.

Mostly, Viktor was just disappointed that Yuuri wasn’t on the podium with them.  He’d finished fourth and seemed pretty pleased with that, but it meant that Viktor couldn’t get a podium picture with him, and definitely wouldn’t be seeing him at the Grand Prix Final.  A bronze and a fourth place finish wouldn’t be enough to get him in.

***

It wasn’t until the exhibition that Viktor realised that since Yuuri hadn’t made the GPF that he wouldn’t be seeing him until March at Worlds.

“Chris!  My life is over!  How can I skate when I can’t see that beautiful man for months and months?”  He grabbed Chris’s shoulders and pressed his forehead between the Swiss skater’s shoulderblades.

“Since you can’t even talk to him, I don’t see how it’ll make a difference.”

“You’re so mean!”  Viktor didn’t move even when Chris shrugged his shoulders.

“Yuuri!  Are you here to watch the exhibition skate?”  Chris started waving and Viktor looked around his friend at Beauty IncarnateTM .

“Ah. Yes.  I mean… Well, I really like your programs, and it isn’t often that I get a chance to see them in person.”

Chris nodded.  “I liked your exhibition program at Skate Canada as well.  It was very beautiful and lyrical.”

Why hadn’t Viktor ever thought to look for this beautiful and lyrical program on YouTube?  “What… uh, what did you skate to?”

Yuuri turned beet red and grabbed onto the railing and mumbled something that Viktor couldn’t understand.  Viktor was left wondering if he should reply that he didn’t hear that or just pretend that he did.

Chris was, once again, his savior.  He laughed.  “Yuuri skated to ‘And I am Telling You’ off the Dreamgirls soundtrack.  It was amazing.”

If it was possible, Yuuri blushed even harder.  “Ch… Chris!”

“Just calling it like I see it.”  He stepped away.  “Make sure to grab a good seat, Yuuri.  I’ll make sure to do something amazing just in front of the competitor stands.”

Viktor wanted to strangle Chris.  He was flirting with Yuuri! Not allowed.  He swallowed.  Looked from Chris to Yuuri who was still at the railings.  Jealousy twisted his gut and fueled his next words.  “Coffee?  With me?  Will you?”

Chris clapped.  “That was some stunning English right there.”  He looked up at Yuuri.  “He was talking to you, by the way, and not the poster of Oda that was in front of him.”

Yuuri yelped.  “Coffee?  You want to get coffee with me?  Viktor Nikiforov wants to get coffee with me?  But I thought--”  Yuuri shook his head.  “Are you sure?”

Viktor swallowed.  “Of course I’m sure that I want to get coffee with a beautiful man and beautiful skater.  It’s about the only thing I’m sure of.”

If it was possible to flush red to the roots of his hair, Yuuri did so.  “Um, then yes. Yes.  Coffee would be good.”

Smiling, Viktor jumped closer to the railing.  “Wonderful!  Then watch me, Yuuri!  I’ll do a quad loop in my program, just for you!”

Yuuri’s eyes went wide.  “For me?”

Viktor nodded emphatically.  “For you.  So make sure that you watch.”

***

And like that Viktor Nikiforov became the first figure skater to ever perform a quad loop.  And though it wasn’t in competition, it was still an impressive sight.

Not as impressive as the Most Beautiful Man AliveTM drinking coffee and eating a crepe across from Viktor at a cafe the next morning as they talked about skating and poodles, though.  At least in Viktor’s opinion.

And getting a kiss on the cheek from said man; Viktor wasn’t sure that he would ever recover.  His heart was tap dancing in his chest, a flutter that would cause any cardiologist to worry.

In time, he’d ask if Yuuri wanted to adopt 2.5 children and move to a cottage with a white picket fence and a big yard so their two poodles -- who would be best friends once they met -- could run around and play.  But that was for later.  For now, Viktor had a phone number, a silver medal, and a date for Worlds.

**Author's Note:**

> Title lifted from a Huffpo article because I couldn't think of anything. :P


End file.
